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  ‘Anyway, they won’t stop. So he gets on the bar and starts singing at the top of his lungs. It was such a riot.’ Bina laughed at the memory.

  ‘Sounds like one,’ Kate said, dryly.

  ‘He’s so not like Jack!’ Bina said. ‘Can you imagine Jack…’ A look came over her face as if she had just heard her own words.

  Kate knew her friend well enough to recognize conflict, though Bina was so rarely in a dilemma. Could Bina be falling for Billy? What a fiasco that would be.

  ‘Thank God he’s not,’ Kate said, looking at Bina. ‘Right?’ Bina nodded, but she looked slightly dejected.

  Max had dropped by several times to inform Kate of Jack’s latest bulletins. It was hard to tell if he did it because he was trying to be helpful, if he was horrified, or just gossiping. Certainly he seemed outraged as he told her about Jack’s barhopping and his delight in the beauty and apparent availability of Hong Kong women, both Asian and Caucasian. ‘The guy is going nuts out there.’ Kate was grateful he didn’t share any more photos or specifics.

  She wondered whether Bina had heard anything, but guessed that she still hadn’t heard from Jack, who had been gone more than a month now. Kate didn’t want to ask, because Bina seemed to be in good spirits and Kate was glad to finally see her smiling.

  ‘Right.’ Bina paused and took a deep breath. She shook her head as if to shake the thought of Jack from the forefront of her mind. They came to the end of the bridge.

  ‘Do you want to walk on the promenade before we eat?’ Kate asked.

  ‘Sure,’ Bina said, and they made a right, crossed Cadman Plaza, passed Isobel’s and walked up Cranberry Street. This was the charming part of Brooklyn which looked virtually unchanged since the late 1800s. Brownstones lined the blocks, complete with little gardens in the front, and the trees arched overhead, making a cool but shimmering shade. ‘So how are things with the fruits and nuts?’ Bina asked.

  Kate raised her eyebrows, taking Bina’s remark as a comment on Elliot as well as her little clients. Then she realized that Bina probably didn’t know the connotation that ‘fruit’ had. ‘They’re not nuts,’ she said. ‘Although their parents sometimes are.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Bina said. ‘Didn’t mean to hurt your feelers.’

  Kate had to smile. She and Bina had replaced the word ‘feelings’ with ‘feelers’ when they were ten years old and Bina still used the joke. Kate changed the subject. ‘What have you bought Bev for the shower?’ she asked.

  ‘Ohmigod! Ohmigod!’ Bina exclaimed, a new level of animation lighting up her face. ‘I went with my mother to the Macy’s on Flatbush. We got the most adorable outfit you’ve ever seen. Little tiny booties, a matching sweater and a bonnet. You should see the stitches, they’re tiny. You know, everyone’s knitting now. You think Bev would believe me if I told her I knit it myself?’ Kate shook her head. ‘I showed them to Billy and you should’ve seen the look on his face. I don’t think he could believe a real person could be that small.’

  ‘Why in the world would you show baby clothes to Billy?’ Kate asked, and was surprised by the irritation in her voice. For heaven’s sake, what was it to her? They reached the promenade and Kate looked around appreciatively. Bina didn’t pay much attention. She chatted on about the shower and then suggested they walk back to Isobel’s to eat.

  Brooklyn Heights was not really part of Brooklyn, Kate had always thought. It was Manhattan once removed, and the view of the island from the promenade was breathtaking. They were quiet for a little while and then Bina broke the silence. ‘All I’ve been doing is talking about myself. So,’ she said with contrived casualness, ‘where did you and Michael go last night?’

  ‘We went to a movie,’ Kate informed her friend and realized she had said it with about as much enthusiasm as if they had gone to a funeral.

  ‘The new George Clooney?’ Bina asked, her eyes lighting up. To Bina, George Clooney was a walking god. Kate often thought that part of Jack’s appeal to Bina was the slight dimple in his chin that resembled the star’s, although Bev and Barbie and the rest of the crew would agree that no other aspect of Jack’s appearance was even the slightest bit Clooney-esque.

  ‘Not exactly,’ Kate began. How could she explain their visit to the Film Forum? ‘We went to a documentary.’

  ‘Oh…’ Bina said. ‘About what?’

  ‘Afghan women and their struggle for literacy,’ Kate said flatly.

  Bina looked confused by the very thought. Kate wondered what the last documentary Bina had seen was. Something they had to watch in grade school about agriculture?

  ‘That sounds…serious,’ Bina stammered, apparently unsure how to respond. She paused a moment and looked across the bay at the Empire State Building whose red, white and blue lights had just been lit. The city was settling into the slowly darkening sky, its lights twinkling from the many buildings. ‘So, are you two getting serious?’

  Kate could hear Mrs Horowitz’s voice channeled through Bina’s lips. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said.

  ‘There’s not a serious bone in Billy’s body…and what a body,’ Bina added.

  ‘Bina!’ Kate exclaimed. She looked over at her friend, whose change since Jack’s departure seemed to be a lot more than physical. ‘You didn’t…I mean you wouldn’t…’ The thought of Bina with Billy disturbed Kate deeply. She tried to decide whether it was fear for Bina or envy. She could hardly believe it, but there was some envy in her. Billy was better than George Clooney.

  ‘Of course not. I still love Jack,’ Bina said. Kate breathed a sigh of relief. ‘But I’ve got eyes. And he’s got hands,’ Bina added, raising her brows playfully.

  Kate was not sure this talk was as light-hearted as Bina was making it out to be. She herself had felt Billy’s devastating, if shallow, charm and Bina was nothing if not inexperienced. ‘Bina, remember you are not supposed to be getting attached to this guy. He’s only a means to an end – at least according to you and Elliot.’

  ‘I know. Believe me, I know. This whole plan is going to work. I just have a feeling,’ Bina said. She paused. ‘And there’s something else. Billy makes me feel…well, it’s like I feel prettier when I’m with him.’ She looked away for a minute and her face reddened. ‘I mean, I know people are probably looking at him, not me. But it makes me feel special, too.’ She smiled as if remembering something. ‘He always tells me how nice I look and he notices things, like if I wear a barrette.’ She paused again. Then she lowered her voice as if what she had to say was fragile and could be broken easily. ‘You know how much I love Jack.’ Kate nodded. ‘Well, I saw Max – you know, he’s so nice. I don’t understand why he isn’t hooked up with someone. Anyway, he told me that Jack was sending him e-mails.’ Kate managed not to gasp or show any emotion. A single one of those pictures would break Bina’s heart. ‘Anyway, I’m certain he misses me. And when he comes back I’m sure he’ll ask me to marry him.’

  The two of them walked down Henry Street. Kate was afraid to say a single word to her friend. She didn’t want to encourage her about Jack and though she did want to discourage her about any attachment to Billy Nolan, she was not sure of her motives. They came to Henry’s End restaurant, which was already bustling though it was early for dinner. Well, Kate reminded herself, people ate earlier on this side of the river. ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked. ‘Shall we eat here instead of Isobel’s?’

  ‘Sure,’ Bina told her. ‘Just don’t make me eat a Bambi – and don’t you eat Thumper.’ Henry’s End was famous for wild game, though Kate would settle for steak.

  ‘You can trust me on that,’ Kate told Bina.

  Her friend took her arm. ‘I’ll always trust you, Katie.’ They paused for a moment. ‘Hey, maybe you and Michael will get married and we could have a double wedding. My parents would love that.’

  Kate had a flash-forward of an overdone ceremony with both her and Bina walking down the aisle on Dr Horowitz’s arm, followed by a life full of documentaries, talks of anthropological discoveries
and Texas cocktail parties. ‘Please, Bina,’ Kate said. ‘Not when we are on a very high bridge with a lot of cold water underneath it.’

  29

  ‘There’s a possibility you’re actually going to get engaged?’ Elliot asked Kate, his face pruning up with disapproval. They were sitting in the Starbucks located exactly halfway between his apartment and hers. There were two others in the neighborhood, but one was slightly closer to Elliot’s and the other was slightly closer to Kate’s, so they always compromised on this smaller, somewhat shabbier one.

  ‘You better stop disliking him,’ Kate told Elliot. ‘If I do marry him, and you stay snotty, I won’t be able to see you anymore.’

  ‘Wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine,’ Elliot warbled. Kate shook her head. It was a corny old song, and while Elliot didn’t live up to most gay stereotypes he knew the lyrics to every show tune and pop standard of the previous century (with an emphasis on World War I and Barry Manilow tunes). Elliot put down his mocha coconut frappé and tidied up the little table between them using three napkins, then picked his frappé up again. ‘Like I’m really threatened that you’d give up our friendship,’ Elliot said, and took another swig. ‘Who else do you have to talk about every detail of your emotional seismograph and Barbara Pym to?’

  Kate had to smile. It was true she described every tremor to Elliot and – like a geophysicist – he predicted when the earthquakes were coming to rock her world. And Barbara Pym was one of her secret addictions – an English author she and Elliot both reread frequently. Kate found the books soothing because almost nothing happened in them; no one’s feelings were hurt and very little changed. A big event was a visit from the vicar and most chapters ended with someone having a hot, milky drink. Which reminded Kate about Elliot’s beverage.

  ‘Did you know that there are more calories in that coconut frappachino than three Big Macs?’ Kate asked.

  ‘Speaking of Max,’ Elliot said, ignoring her concern, ‘is he still sniffing around? And is he sniffing around you or Bina?’

  Kate made a dismissive gesture. Like a good mom, Elliot always thought every man was in love with Kate, and if they weren’t he was offended. ‘He seems to be busy carrying news about Jack to anyone who’ll listen. I think he still feels guilty because he introduced Bina to him. Anyway, he’s harmless. Bina doesn’t have time for anyone but Billy,’ Kate continued, and only after the words were out of her mouth did she notice the slight bitterness in her tone. Luckily, Elliot – who had radar for things like that – didn’t pick it up because of the loud noise he was making as his straw sucked up the liquid at the very bottom of his cup.

  ‘That’s disgusting,’ Kate said.

  ‘Well, I promise not to do it in front of your friends at the shower.’

  ‘Bev’s shower?’ Kate asked, her voice rising at least an octave. The realization hit her hard but she knew it was going to be true. ‘You’re invited to Bev’s shower?’

  ‘You sound surprised,’ Elliot said. Then, in a mocking tone, he added, ‘You know Bev and Brice and I are very close.’ Kate merely rolled her eyes. ‘Hey, I saw Brian Conroy at lunch today and he was actually laughing with two other little bandits,’ he continued. ‘I think they were slinging tuna fish at the girls’ table but I didn’t catch them at it.’ Elliot smiled at her. ‘You might actually be doing some good work,’ he said. They looked at each other for a long moment, Elliot smiling at her, his brown eyes warm and wet as a Labrador’s, and Kate basked in his approval. Then, as was their custom, they simultaneously shook their heads and bleated, ‘Nah!’

  ‘I wish you could do something about the Reilly twins,’ Elliot grumbled. ‘Yesterday, I gave Joseph the test on fractions that James was supposed to take, so James failed, and now his mother is complaining to me because his grade will suffer. Like it will stop him from getting into Harvard. Can’t you give them an anti-duping drug or something?’

  ‘If only. I think she’s the one who needs therapy,’ Kate said.

  ‘That’s a big surprise,’ Elliot huffed. ‘All of these type A parent bastards need Prozac or a big smack.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Most of them are on Prozac,’ Kate laughed. The pressure the parents lived under and too often exerted on their children was always palpable in the halls of Andrew Country Day. ‘So what is it with you and Michael?’ Kate asked. ‘He’s the kind of stable, nice guy you’ve wanted for me. And he likes me.’

  She looked down at the bracelet hanging from her wrist and her cell phone rang. She was expecting a call from her friend Rita about drinks after Rita got out of work, which wasn’t usually until six or seven o’clock. She pulled out her cell phone and, without even glancing at the caller ID, hit the green button.

  ‘Hi,’ she said cheerfully, fully expecting Rita’s nasal voice.

  ‘Hi back atchaya,’ Steven’s voice said.

  Kate felt her stomach crumple and drop, like a soccer ball that had collapsed in the air near the goal. Suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in her chest cavity.

  ‘Oh. Steven. Hello.’ She opened her eyes wide, but not as wide as Elliot’s, who moved in on her almost immediately, a look of horror on his face. Silently he mouthed, ‘Steven? The Steven?’

  Kate, already rattled, looked away. She didn’t need to be observed. She was over Steven. She was long over Steven, but that didn’t stop the color from rising into her cheeks. She could feel her throat tighten.

  ‘Am I getting you at a bad time?’ Steven asked.

  She wanted to say, ‘No. The bad time was the six months after you stopped calling,’ but, needless to say, she didn’t. Any time was a bad time to talk to Steven, as far as she was concerned, and Elliot was making it abundantly clear that he shared that opinion. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m just having coffee with Elliot.’ Then she could have bitten her tongue, or slapped herself, or both. Why couldn’t she be oblique – or even lie and say she was with someone else?

  ‘Good old Elliot,’ Steven said, which made Kate even more annoyed with herself. ‘I miss him.’ His voice dropped a half-register. ‘I miss you, too,’ he said. Kate felt the flush spread to her neck and chest. Meanwhile, Elliot was crouching in front of her, gesturing wildly. He kept pulling his index finger across his throat, telling her to cut the conversation.

  She turned her head to the right, but Elliot, still crouching, jumped like some kind of dwarfish character from The Lord of the Rings back into view.

  Kate didn’t need to be reminded of how dangerous Steven was. She had really loved him, and he had encouraged her to. Long ago, Kate had made a rule to never care for any man more than he cared for her. But Steven had cared for her – at least as long as the early lust stage had lasted. Then, after eighteen months, his ardor and his commitment had dropped off. Kate hadn’t felt it at first, and by the time she had realized that he was not still focused on her she had run into him, walking with the woman to whom his focus had shifted. When Kate, humiliated, had confronted him, he had been reluctant to admit the truth and had reassured her that nothing had happened between him and Sabrina, but after Kate broke up with him, a miserable six weeks later, he and Sabrina had hooked up. Now, the question Kate longed to ask was ‘What’s happened to Sabrina?’ But she wouldn’t let her curiosity overwhelm her common sense and pride.

  ‘Look, I thought we might meet for a coffee or something,’ Steven said.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Kate said. ‘I’m having coffee right now.’ In front of her Elliot was mouthing, ‘No. No. No,’ like a demented toddler beginning a tantrum.

  ‘You’re not making this easy,’ Steven said, and the depth of feeling in his voice gave Kate a little thrill. All at once she realized what she had felt was missing in Michael – access to deeper feelings, or the ability to express them.

  But Steven’s feelings – deep, or not – had not been dependable. He was either an excellent actor (Elliot’s opinion) or a man afraid of his own emotions, longing for connection and then backing away from it (Kate’s theory)
. Kate still believed that Steven had loved her, but had been afraid.

  ‘Was it my job to make it easy?’ Kate asked while Elliot rolled his eyes. He put a hand over his own mouth to indicate that she should shut up – as if she didn’t know that already. She swatted at him. More than half a dozen of the other patrons were looking at them by now.

  ‘Kate, you have every right to be pissed off at me. But I swear that a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of you, or missed you, or even tried to get up the courage to phone you.’

  ‘It must have been a tough year,’ Kate said.

  ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of me,’ Steven said, and all the miserable nights, the lonely weekends, the mornings she woke up alone and missing him came rushing back.

  ‘I’ve been pretty busy,’ she said. ‘And I’m about to get engaged…’

  Elliot shot up from his crouch, gave her a thumbs-up with both hands and then sank down in his chair as if exhausted.

  There was silence at the other end of the phone and Kate was torn between two emotions: she wanted Steven to give up and feel just a little bit of pain on her account. She also wanted him to try harder, and she was ashamed and embarrassed by that.

  ‘Would that stop you from just having a drink with me?’ Steven asked. ‘I really feel as if I need to tell you what happened. I mean, I’m in therapy now and…I just understand a few things that I didn’t know before.’

  Kate wasn’t sure she wanted to know what Steven had learned about himself. And she knew it wasn’t a good idea to see him. But she felt an irresistible pull toward him. ‘How about next Monday?’ she said. ‘About four o’clock.’

  ‘That would be great,’ Steven said. ‘O’Nieal’s?’ It was a restaurant on Grand Street, a cool but lush bar and dining room. It had been a place they often went to, not far from his loft.

  ‘No,’ she said. She didn’t want to be seduced into drinks followed by dinner followed by anything else. It was out of the question.